He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
