I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
