so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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