Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
