Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
