Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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