just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
