Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
