It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
