its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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