Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
