apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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