I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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