jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
