i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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