we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
