Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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