I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
