i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
