so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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