it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
