Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
