A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
