I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
