I heard we made out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
