dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
