I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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