i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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