a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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