Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
