Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize