she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
