I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
