is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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