Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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