I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
