fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
