I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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