I'm drive I can fine osifer
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
