im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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