I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
