I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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