Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
