oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
