:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
