Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
