Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
