So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
