he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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