More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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