we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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