Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm passing your future prison.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
