Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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