if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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