they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
