I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
