there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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