shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
