What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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