Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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