Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize