so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
