so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
