Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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