I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
