please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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