dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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