if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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