did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just found a bag of teeth...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
